Because It’s Never Too Early to Acclimatize the Children…

Our nation’s children need to adapt to the current zeitgeist, because ‘fitting in’ and being ‘one of the crowd’ is so key to avoiding a miserable, lonely childhood, even tween-or-teenhood, isn’t it?  For those of us who walked our own lonely roads as kids, or watched the society around us with unease, even sometimes trying to pass for normal, well, look where that got us, eh?  Yeah, it’s still evident that we came from The Land of Misfits, still destined to be Losers in search of a revolution, or chatting with others online because there’s nothing else for us to do at this point.  Some of us losers (cough) even posted blogs on Christmas Day, for the love o’ Pete (whoever he is)!

Well, it’s time to give in, I say, and allow our children and grandchildren to be healthier and happier by Walking the Path Most Traveled.  Yes, indeed, we have help now, from not only Disney, the NSA, and my friend, Dada-esque NYC artiste Anthony Freda.

I recently discovered the Junior Disney Channel, with its oh so helpful videos like ‘Always Do What the Doctor Says’, because submitting wiling to any authority figure is always easier, not to mention completely advisable in all cases.  My aim is to walk you through a few aides relevant to developmental steps and ages, with the caveat that there are those whose development we might consider ‘arrested’.

You will simply lovelovelove Shutterbug Time’s Special Agent Oso, a wee ladybug-sized snoopy-spy drone who sends her data…well, hell, I’ll let her wings do the flyin’:

Also, mi amigo Anthony has come out with a helpful new coloring book for your li’l tots.  He reminded me to tell you to make sure that the chirren never color outside the lines.  Here’s the ‘New World Order’ page:

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Once the kids are a bit older, and can read fairly well, you can guide them via their iPads to the NSA’s kid website, where they will love to encounter these programs that could help them to choose a career (the NSA has made things age-appropriate; this will be their First Encounter with the Crypto Kids!  And believe you me, once they show their friends, they will be instantly popular, and forever!
nsacrypto

The next step is more appropriate for tweens and teens of either gender, plus those students who may be about to graduate high shool.  Because what the world needs now is not love, but more cryptographers and friends of the NSA.

NSA-KIds-Programs

Aha, but you may be wondering about quality family time, I reckon.  Never fear.  We’ve got it!  Mom and Betty, Jr. can snuggle up on the living room sofa and watch Vanna.  Betty will learn helpful facts as they play, not to mention some spelling, and some of Vanna’s awesome fashion sense.

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Meanwhile, Dad and Eddie, Jr. can get cozy in the den, bonding over ‘Battlefield 4 China Rising’.  And after they get tired of blowin’ the shit out of China and Russia with Stealth bombers and RPG’s and whatnot, they can joystick the hell outta the China Rising’s MiniDrone; we hear it’s an epic kill program!  (Not to mention a future career enhancer, of course.)  Oh, dear; it’s not Disney or the NSA; ah well, never mind.

Once the kids are twelve or so, the entire family can have a terrific and edifying time playing ‘The War on Terror, the Board Game’ by TerrorBull Games, Inc.

War on Terror! - the board game

Now if at some point, the kids are still feelin’ funky or fidgety, or exhibiting anti-authoritarian traits…or if they’re askin’ any weird questions about what they’re learnin’ in school, just remember: you can always take them to the doctor, who might be willin’ to dig into his Pharmacopeia for them…or even for you.  Believe me, it will make life easier.  We all want that, don’t we?

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(cross-posted at My.firedoglake.com)

(all artwork by Anthony Freda except for the NSA’s /s)

21 responses to “Because It’s Never Too Early to Acclimatize the Children…

  1. And when the young Oceania Spies need some Youth League exercise outside; they can have some diversionary practice for their adult training with the latest coyote bounties:
    http://www.examiner.com/article/pennsylvania-coyote-hunters-may-be-offered-a-bounty
    Never let Nature get the upper hand!

  2. so did the senate pass the bill as well? hmmm. what they may not know is that coyotes can alter their gestation durations for times when their populations are decreasing, lol. guess they may not be there yet.

    alamosa, co had a similar hunt for wabbits; wabbit were taking over, and we actually had the same thing here. funny, now i can’t remember if t’were cottontails or jackwabbits, weally.

    all that conditioning really did sound ‘youth league’, didn’t it? oh: it is!
    revolution may be the only cure.

  3. And next time you go to watch a corporatelogo game of anything on tv, be prepared to see a military flyover (oh goodie) or a guy propping up the 18th tee who’s back from yonder and maybe with an artificial limb or two or three or four (because that’s the new normal).

    Strange things happening to news sites on the internet? You must be suffering early Alzheimers – quick into longterm managed care so your assets can be drained!

  4. yes, the propaganda is ubiquitous, and i hadn’t even known about the flyovers since i don’t watch sporting events. the olympics are a prime example of corporate sponsorship twined with hyper-nationalism, aren’t they? i grew ill from all of it long ago. mr. wd hasn’t even watched this year for the same reasons.

    if you’re referencing the obscenity of obomba’s veteran ‘guest’ at his sotu, yes, let’s hep accolades on a man who was grist for the C-i-C’s version of Empire. What are you referencing in your last graph on news sites?

  5. Left of Center “Over there”! Woo Hoo!! (Sadly though brasch’s Coyote Angel eulogy remains on the right): Wabbits uber Alles –

  6. thanks for causing me to read it, bruce. i have a coyote angel myself. :)

    great video, lol! thank you; i needed moar laffs. :)

  7. The cranes are flying, the cranes are flying….right over my head mornings. Beoooiutiful!

    Referencing the Guardian, wendye. I miss the prior format. NZHerald used to have a great one, too.

  8. heading north, juliania? they are a sight to behold! i wish i’d gone to the bosque at least once to see them. but i am also very pleased to see so many videos of them on youtube. once and only once did i see a small flock of sandhills: on the CO/WY bodrer, of all places….

    in the past few years, great blue herons became local visitors, i suppose due to climate change conditions. once in a while, one or to even lands on the pond just to the south of us. (they do not seem to want to have their photo portraits ‘tooken’ by wd.)

    ah, the guardian. thanks for the explanation. i’ve never tried to comment there, so i dinnae know the format had changed. nor the herald, of course.

  9. Yes, they spiral to gain altitude over our lake area and the sounds they make always remind me of this:

    “With the drawing of this love and the voice of this
    Calling

    We shall not cease from exploration
    And the end of all our exploring
    Will be to arrive where we started
    And know the place for the first time…”

    [TSEliot's 'Four Quartets']

    And not to be too far OT, this a few lines further down:

    “And the children in the apple-tree
    Not known, because not looked for
    But heard, half-heard, in the stillness
    Between two waves of the sea…”

    Always makes me think of Sibelius that part. Fifth Symphony, I think.
    (slowly)
    “Tah, tah, tah;
    Tah, tah, tah –

    Tah, Tah, Tah;
    Tah, Tah, Tah…
    (and in between, the children half-heard)

  10. But cricket. One man, the captain, has been facing (with two partners) India’s best bowlers for a day and a half, one final day to go. Stemming the inevitable victory for India as one man, while the rest of the team watches.

    At the end of yesterday, the entire stadium stood and waited for Nathan McCullum to finish his interviews with tv and press, not leaving until he himself departed. The commenter said he had never seen that at a cricket match before.

    Last international contest of the season down there. And a beauty too.

  11. lovely, juliania. on the ts eliot, but okay on the cricket hero, too. i know how you love it.

    do the cranes catch the thermals over the lake then? as a sail plane might? very cool imagery either way.

  12. Yes, exactly, and when it is a large group it is a sight to see – but you are right, impossible to photograph for me as well. There seem to have been such a lot of them this year, day after day. Not when it is windy, though.

    As they spiral and then head north, the sun catches the underneath of their wings in a kind of benediction – just lovely. Cranes. ( I guess it is because you can’t help craning to see them.)

  13. who stole the avatars???

    i wonder with the recent cold snap if they will head back your way or farther south? ‘can’t help craning to see them’, lol. did you ever see this video flying with the whoopers?

    ‘First group of four Operation Migration Whooping Cranes leaving White River Marsh (Green Lake County, WI) with ultralight on first leg of migration — on October 2, 2013.’

  14. What amazes me, wendye, in that scenario, is that those intelligent birds are able to recognize their human ‘parent’ inside that wierd concoction pretending to be one of them. If it was me as a kid I think I’d have a hard time putting that much faith in a similar monstrous attire my mother put on, even if she said or did all kinds of things to entice me on some new journey. Those bonds are mighty, mighty strong, eh?

  15. But once they arrive in FL; it’s time to set ‘em free to flock to places like Kissimmee Prairie or Crooked Lake for safety in separation (penned together invites tragedy to such extraordinary revival measures):
    http://www.fws.gov/southeast/news/2007/r07-007.html

  16. that was from 2007; how are they doing by now? fewer, more?

  17. juliania, i forget who sent me the whole dvd about the project, but i found myself incredulous, to say the least. my stars.

  18. Well since 2007, I haven’t seen any back in the Prairie or Crooked Lake (east and south of Eagle Lake, where I retired and saw them previously from 2003, on)

  19. I should explain that the ones I see are sandhill cranes only, and they are plenteous in number. Whooping cranes are a different kettle of – birds.

  20. (And being a kiwi, of course I’m a tad envious.)

  21. sad news, bruce. some attempts to save species do go awry. do you reckon penning them up made the difference?

    and, oh, yes, ww; i know you were speaking of sandhill cranes, not whoopers. i just remembered the videos was all. chepasa had sent me one of his wife’s videos from the bosque once, and i love the ones fro nebraska on the platte river. )

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