cuz this day is so hard for mr. wd and me today:
Posted on May 18, 2013 by wendyedavis 16 Comments
Why is this day so hard?
welcome, dear hfc. it’s so good to have you here.
waterworks, oy. jordan’s wife sent video of his graduation from boot camp. he’ll stay a few more months for further brainwashing and training, but seeing him in his uniform, doing all the moves…in military precision, full dress uniform, bald…so serious….i didn’t even recognize my baby boy.
i said to rc on another thread that as i watched it over in my mind a few times, whether he might have been picturing an imagined face of his biological father, who was a soldier.
he called steve after the ceremony yesterday, and told him that he was still the same jordan. but no; perhaps he meant the one he’d grown into since he left our house many years ago. so many influences out there, we can only wonder what and who they were.
so…military madness and the peace train fought for space in my head and heart. i confess i had a momentary impulse to send the video to you, and thought…yep, you need more shit in your life.
added: what a self-centered cow i am. how are you, dear one? tell me about sherwood forest visits…
I hope this doesn’t upset you, but I thought of this song:
Sees waves of whisper blue
Earth calls to you everyday in every way
Mommas puttin’ on some warpaint
For a little bit of combat
You asked the reason
You gotta fight for your freedom sometimes everyday in every way
Many people pass by caught up in roles and rules
Many rivers run free I don’t wanna’ crush the wilderness in you child
Or the wildness in me
How do we keep them both alive?
Somehow they must survive
Somehow they must survive
For there’s so much fun and so little time
We go together through the changing seasons
They know the world needs it everyday in every way
Little darling, zap
Touch the earth child
Heaven and Earth, child
Come, come touch the Earth child
Touch Heaven and Earth, child
Read more: LAURA NYRO – A WILDERNESS LYRICS
oh, my cherished friend…thank you forever. we (mr. wd as well) thank you, and we can’t stop playing it again and again. i can’t begin to say how perfect it mirrors us and our ‘johnny’.
tears and more tears…they are so helpful, and bring endorphins eventually to clean our windshields a bit (thank the goddess for them). please, dear britzklieg, welcome at last, and know how wonderful it is to feel the depths of pain there can be, without which…we could never soar into the sky and universe beyond.
i promise to come back to say more; mine eyes can scarcely see to clack these keys. love, \\wd
I had a feeling it was something like that. And no, you’re not a selfish cow (but I love cows). Haven’t been to Sherwood Forest today but maybe later. I’ve been meaning to go down there and listen to the frogs – it’s crazy loud after dark.
I can’t begin to imagine what it must have been like to watch the video of Jordan. He’s been sucked into a cult and some day, I pray (to the universe), he will be deprogrammed. Until then you have to do what you have always done – try to get people to stop going along with endless war. There are these two brothers here in Chico who hold up anti-war signs in the plaza on Saturday – every Saturday, rain or shine. They have long gray hair and they blast hippie music out of their boom box and they are always there. Always. Maybe at least once every Saturday, somebody new notices and their life makes a little detour and things get a tiny bit better. Resistance cannot be futile. And if it is, we have to do it anyway.
The Laura Nyro lyrics are lovely. That and Peace Train remind me of Wild World. I keep that music at arm’s length – Chris listened to Wild World over and over and over again right after his girlfriend Gabby died (seven years ago now – I can’t believe it). Wednesday would have been Gabby’s 28th birthday. Her mother, Martha, one of the bravest and kindest humans on the planet, posted photos of her on Facebook. Somehow Martha takes another breath so the rest of us have to, as well.
Love and big long strong hugs to you and Steve. We’ll get through this fucked up life, somehow.
shoot-fire, britzklieg. i’d written a lot, and hit the backspace key…and lost everything. can’t do it again; the second writing would seem cliche.
but the lyrics sing to my heart, and are so redolent of us and jobie that it’s uncanny. bringing a black/azteca babby into a largely anglo world may have been idiotic, but we reckoned we could do it. there were of course, biases that we didn’t reckon on, but…that’s what happens when you’re busy making other plans, eh?
such a love, though; he had his own language, and we learned it. we allowed him to learn at his own pace, and let his imagination run wild. child of my heart, he could turn anything into a toy, a learning experience… he taught me that there should be a rite of passage for a child’s epiphany that death will come for those he or she loves, as it will for themselves, sweet teacher that he was.
empathy and love galore, though we tried (and failed) to make him street smart enough to deal with what would lie ahead, but without causing him to anticipate it, and understand it when it…inevitably came. he still faults me for some of the advice i gave him on not fighting, but… there it is; he would have been expelled, not the assholes.
yes, mama put on warpaint, and tried (papa too) to make the world better for all the kids at school who were being bullied, or were ignorant of other cultures and races. the one thing that we know firmly is that no parents ever tried harder to consciously raise their children (we adopted his ute sister when he was two) than we did, and no parents could have loved them better.
yes, sweet friend: he was (may still be deep inside) a child of the earth and heavens, and also of fire and wind. thank you for the song and bringing the lyrics to watch…how could i not know that laura nyro? she is a goddess of song, piano, and poetry.
thank you, dear mofo, for your encouraging words. yes, we’ll get through it, and i decided long ago to feel every particle of it along the way, and kick the hell out of it, as well. (the babbling babby at the end of the song rings my bells…hallo, darlin’ babby; may life be full of love for you…)
bless the brothers; wish i could tell them how much i appreciate them, ;-) yep, some days it feels futile, but the next day…not so much. i was telling steve the folks who say, ‘there will always be war’…can piss me purple, conceding to that means not resisting: ever, but submitting. permanent war was just codified at the senate hearings on the fucking AUMF; they were convened allegedly to tweak it, but…of course, to further extend the unitary executive powers. i may put up the DN footage, in case anyone gives a good good goddam.
dunno wild world; i’ll check. i love you, and please send me a bit of sherwood forest when you go next; i’ll soak it up to refresh my soul..
Wild World: http://youtu.be/DHXpnZi9Hzs “and I’ll always remember you like a child . . . you know I’ve seen a lot of what the world can do and it’s breaking my heart right in two . . . but just remember there’s a lot of bad and beware” Jordan as a child . . . all these connections.
I’ll take pictures of the trees tomorrow.
awww, i dinnae know you meant cat stephens’ ‘wild world’. tea for the tillerman, whoosh. so many good tunes; thank you. remembered all the lyrics, as you often do. thank you, i look forward to the pictures, but if that doesn’t work, just send me what you see through the air…
yes, jobi-cakes. obi-wan. sleep well and dream well, mofo extraordinaire.
It looks like this right now: http://jaredkimberly.blogspot.com/2010/05/beautiful-bidwell-park.html
We live right off of Vallombrosa Ave (“shady valley”) between Sycamore Pool which you can just walk right up to and swim in, no money/ticket required (http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gMFOcZ_1V28/TiyZAuH-dpI/AAAAAAAAAio/ybDyTK8of0g/s1600/Sycamore+pool.jpg_resize.JPG) and Upper Bidwell Park (http://eellsmor.blogspot.com/2010/04/springtime-in-upper-bidwell-park.html). More photos tomorrow.
Sleep well, my friend.
luscious, mofo, luscious. which robin hood series was filmed there? i watched the ‘robin of sherwood’ series again recently (Michael Praed as robin). the mosses on the trees, and the size of some of them knocked me out.
i’m just trying something with the ‘wild world’ video. html code didn’t work. so…it may be that the url has to stand on its own line to embed.
It’s the one from 1938 with Errol Flynn: The Adventures of Robin Hood. http://youtu.be/xXHVDRgAFMk
how odd that your page didn’t load the video; no matter, maybe a robin doesn’t quite belong on the thread. he was just a good outlaw, not guilty of military madness. there was a 1922 version with douglas fairbanks.
fun seeing olivia de havilland. ;-) she just killed me in ‘gone with the wind’, lol. prissypants angel.
you’ve probably seen that there are some video interviews with the ‘fruitvale station’ people from cannes.
Thinking about my teen and how she’s about to be moving on in her life (I keep wanting to claim she’s only 16 and a half years, now) and after listening to your heart pouring here, a phone call and it appears that I am regarded highly enough that she asked me a question she hoped that I would be able to answer. Little gifts. Peace and Joy wherever it manifests.
Love and lunch, strength and hope.
may it always be so with your daughter. we ostensibly bring them up to be able to (hopefully) choose wisely and become what and who they wish, and often forget that we’re not their only influences, and they may indeed make choices that are very hard for us.
some days the little gifts just aren’t enough, nonquixote. but there’s always the next day, or the one after that…
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