massive new nsa data center in bluffdale has ghosts in the machines

Since Bloomberg News first reported two days ago that the new 1.2 million square foot NSA data storage and processing center had undergone ten electrical surges that caused electrical fires and explosions resulting in fried and melted equipment costing ‘hundreds of thousands of dollars’ worth (sic)  of damage already, speculation about the causes has run wild.

The Guardian is reporting that the Fickled Fingers of Blame are pointing wildly among the architects, Army Corps of Engineers, and even Rocky Mountain Power and Pacific Corp., which supplies the massive amount of electricity needed to run the place.

‘William Binney, a mathematician who worked at the NSA for almost 40 years and helped automate its worldwide eavesdropping, said Utah’s computers could store data at the rate of 20 terabytes – the equivalent of the Library of Congress – per minute.’

‘And that’s a yottabytes the place will hold!’ locals in the environs of Bluffdale were heard to exclaim (as they drove out of sight).  Just two weeks ago spokespeople for the new center played coy when asked by residents if it were indeed yet open for snooping.  But they were assured that it was a friendly place, and warranted no fears by locals.

A spokesperson for the NSA, Vanee Vines, suggested in a statement that the 247-acre site was getting back on track.

“The failures that occurred during testing have been mitigated. A project of this magnitude requires stringent management, oversight, and testing, before the government accepts any building.”

However, the cause of eight of the 10 surges, known as arc fault failures, remain disputed, and investigators have not ruled out further meltdowns, which were compared to flashes of lightning inside a 2ft box.’

The Salt Lake Tribune reported last week that:

‘…a 2008 internal Department of Defense report said such a grid “will be heavily reliant on end-to-end virtual networks to interconnect anyone, anywhere, at any time with any type of information through voice, video, images or text.” It is described elsewhere as “analogous to a secured World Wide Web.”

Bluffdale fits tightly into that global vision, NSA officials confirmed in their Tribune interview, in that it gives analysts with appropriate security clearance (heh) at NSA headquarters in Fort Meade, Md., other U.S. locations and spy posts around the world access to its data and computers.

“We’re basically running it for the [intelligence] community,” Davis said.

The NSA also has pioneered so-called “cloud-centric” technology to let outside agencies reach remotely into its enormous data pools. And the agency has spent years matching its computer architectures and systems with those of other intelligence gatherers ­— including those managing U.S. reconnaissance and geospatial satellite imagery — to ease information flows.’

This intrepid reporter has culled through her various sources’ information and is presenting two of the most likely culprits and scenarios whose aims are to render this ‘One Ring to Rule Them All’ spy center…useless.

When I contacted my source inside MI-5 (a member of the cleaning staff), she told me that she’d overheard the Spook agency’s new head, Andrew ‘Because Terrorist’s Parker, insisting that the electrical surges at the mega-spy-center were Al Qaeda in origin.

He apparently claimed that NSA Chief General ‘Make it So’ Clapper had communicated with him by secure TOR email that in fact they were in the process of tracing the movements of a Muslim male who had received liberated nanotechnology from DARPA that his homies had programmed to use miniscule lasers to fire when activated.  Said Terrorist then switched places with one of the electrical contractors working on the Bluffdale project, installed them in some of the junction boxes, and were able to monitor them by miniature DARPA infrared cameras, and surge the systems at will by secure smartphones (not the rubbish ones provided by USian telecoms).

This intel had not been corroborated at the time of publication of this post.

The second theory came via a Hillary Clinton detractor living in the Belly of the Beast.  He maintains that there exists a communications among the at-risk-of-sexual-scandal American Oligarchy that works by an osmotic principle much like the vaunted and legendary Turtle Island Moccasin Telegraph, and that they were all summoned to a secret underground ‘prayer’ breakfast at which they summoned the spirits of dead ancestors that were asked to (ahem) act as virtual poltergeists, creating havoc with the electrical system.  This anonymous source claimed to have heard whispers about there having been an enormous black pentagram painted on the floor of the breakfast room, but again: I haven’t been able to corroborate that, either, as Clinton staffers have not returned my calls.

What have you heard about what or who has been sabotaging the facility, and for what reasons and incentives?  Or at what price, for that matter?  The rumor mill has it that someone at DARPA made a hella deposit into his Cayman Island numbered account recently, but of course, I can’t corroborate that.  Yet.

I’ve heard absolutely no reports that it all might be down to the former Indigenous occupants of the area beating out Heartbeats on their skin drums and disrupting the flow of electricity in dissent.

(cross-posted at

8 responses to “massive new nsa data center in bluffdale has ghosts in the machines

  1. It is impossible to underestimate the competence of employees at Club Fed; and that was when we were nominally compensated. Since Raygun, it’s rotten to The Corps!

  2. yah, federal contracts are cronyisim untamed, and the cost overruns and cost over-fuckups are legendary, but this wasn’t about unnatural laws, lol. tjhis was in aid of…all the other possibilities of ‘who benefits’. there must be some latin phrase, eh? oh yeah, the always and forever of ‘follow the money!’ clues: ‘Cui bono?’ ;~)

  3. Well, it’s LO$E-Win for All US intertubers, If TRUE! But the spooky part is that it’s (prolly) a diversionary cover story from the Feds’ Company tiny turlitzer!! On the flip side, I’d Ghost Dance on NSA’s grave if it truly does short-circui them!!!

  4. hoka hey! it’s a good day to ghost dance, even if we suspect they’ll really fix the place, eh? but yes, those are other indigenous spirits that might have joined the sabotage. so many possibilities… i kinda liked the image of the hill girl conducting a black mass to kill the monster machine that stores the extortable scandals, though.

    i almost made a few suggestions along those lines, but i reckoned i might get tagged with gender insensitivity or somethin’.

    great Electrical (heh) storm came in last night, and i shut down in a hurry. i’d left this as a good night song, so i’ll stick it in. won’t have no dad-burned ad over here. ;~)

  5. Here you are wendy, get those ghosts in Utah dancing.

    Just picked a theme for the daily inspiration/appreciation of what’s around me. Off to garden chores, clean-up, feeding, cover crop, bulb planting and winter mulching.

    Enjoyed this piece of yours for certain. The sublime ridiculousness of Govnet propaganda. Let it choke itself out (with a little spectral nudging).


  6. yah, but it fit so very well for this theme, nonquixote! and i’m so glad ya liked it; it’s been a nice break from the other stuff that we can watch, don’t have an ounce of influence to affect.

    second snow on the mountains here. i had a major victory (for me) yesterday, having ‘tawanda’ed’ myself into going to town to service my birrrd and flower greeting card rack at the local natural food store. i’m down to one store from four, so i don’t earn much, but still…every bit counts these days.

    enjoy your garden chores. my harvest job today is trimming cannabis buds, fairly painstaking job, but oooooh, the scent! what gorgeous plants they are, too.

    thanks for bringin’ the song over, and i dug up ‘gently weeps’ just in case. i’ve been tryin’ to learn how to alter the css code here so that videos will be about half the size, but i’m just not quite gettin’ it. or else the help techs aren’t explain’ it so that a tech newbie might catch on, lol. prolly my errors and ignorance… hugs back.

  7. We’re getting your dust, wendy, so thanks for all that good fertilizer you put out, maybe some bear scat in the mix as well. Wind blowing through is our edge of your big storm, dark brown down Albuquerque way and up yonder t’wards Taos. Times like this I love having solid homes up against my little hobbit tunnel and no Lawrence me – not venturing out in that sandstorm. Son tells me sky is completely white but sun is shining on the mountain – more deus ex something or other.

  8. dunno, witless woman; this one of ours came via flagstaff, almost a now *former* storm pattern, but early this mornin’ it was from due south. yours seems to be from the south by southwest as well. was offline due to the shutdown, and yet i found this satellite of new mexico. but i have learned to hate the sandstorms from the south, plastering wet sand all over the solar windows, arrgh.

    we have a bit of snow on menefee mountain now, but it looks as though we’ll soon have some blue sky, at least for a while. good luck to you, j.

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