US Vice President Promises to Forgive Venezuela if It Goes Away [updated]


(thanks to Anthony Freda, via wendydavis flickr)

(With gratitude for reprint permission from the author at

US vice president promises to forgive Venezuela if it goes away

BACKYARD (Rooters agency) – In a move widely applauded by those who know which side their bread is buttered on, the US vice president today attacked the Venezuelan government over its stubborn refusal to get out of the way for the good of the hemisphere.

The vice president, who is visiting Backyard for some reason, in an interview with one of its newspapers, dismissed as the invention of “totally false and outlandish conspiracies” the idea that the various political organizations given millions of dollars by the US over the last decade might have some connection with the recent demonstrations in Venezuela.

“That is nonsense”, the VP declared. “We always told them not to demonstrate. But those people love us and would demonstrate even if we didn’t pay their leaders.

“Instead of making such charges, that pretend president of theirs should listen to the Venezuelan people – those we have appointed to speak for them”, he said. “He should resign, and take Venezuela with him to wherever he goes. We don’t care, as long as he leaves the oil.”

In what was described as a “frank admission” by his press office, the VP acknowledged that in the past the US government had – every now and then, and mostly by accident or the fault of a different party – supported military dictatorships in various parts of Backyard.

These minor slip-ups, he pointed out, were entirely the fault of the Soviet Union, which, “if it hadn’t existed, would have forced us to find a different pretext for keeping our servants in line.

“Now that the Soviet Union is no more, the whole world can unite in opposing the menace of Islamic fundamentalism or … somebody shine a light, I can’t see the rest of the list.

“Most people in the Americas are tired of fighting old ideological battles that don’t help their daily lives at all”, he continued. “We can offer them new ideological battles that do the same thing.”

Countering Islamic Communist propaganda that the US does not really support human rights, the vice president stressed that, during the Pinochet dictatorship in Chile, “US ambassador Harry Barnes and others publicly defended the victims of repression.” He added, “If we hadn’t put Pinochet and his torturers in power in the first place, do you seriously think he would have listened nearly as much to our complaints?”

Did it take you a few ticks to even remember who the VP of our UnFair nation is? If so, you ain’t the Lone Ranger. Like me, you’re Tonto. After three tics, we all probably remember it’s VZ Alarm-Alarm-O! Biden. Go get them Commies, Joe!

Now Mr. Somewhere might have mentioned the Fumble-Footed Secretary of State Ketchup-Kerry, since he has been quite active in promoting an internal war-by-proxy (James Petras, bless his heart, rather scathingly calls it a Terror War by Proxy), and denying it, of course.

But Mr.somewhere is so right: take Bolivarism somewhere, anywhere, but leave the oil…and maybe some of the Elites who actually deserve your brand of Democracy, unlike those low-land peasants with the dark skin who like their new social contracts far too well. What could be more dangerous to Western capitalism than an ideology that each citizen actually matters, and should have a say in how they’re governed? A nation that (gasp) nationalized its oil in order to more fairly distribute the proceeds to the people is indeed scary, and worth demonizing. Free universal healthcare and education? Egad! It’s spreading in Our Backyard! Obama/Kerry and the deep state rulers need lackey neoliberalized satellites in Latin America, not more socialists on the prowl, spreading their infernal credos about justice for all!

Small wonder, then, that the Scribes to the Oligarchs continually lie, misrepresent who is actually committing the worst of the violence on the streets in VZ, fanning the flames for regime change. Putch; overthrowing a democratically-elected government that (sigh) keeps winning elections. That they are aided by a cavalcade of Hollywood Celebrity Elites with #SOS VZ adds insult to injury, of course. Gucci Solidarity™!

Aha: cue the ‘What’s really going on in Venezuela’ video, courtesy of Joannes Carvajal, recommended by long time journalist on VZ. Boy, howdy, did she save me a hell of a lot of words!

Many of the faked photo tweets and propagandized and (ahem) misattributions were outed by Dr.Dawg’sBlog. His favorite is also my own: a religious procession, reincarnated as an anti-government protest.

Congress is said to be debating sanctions against Venezuela, as per a bill brought by Florida CongressCritters in the paid service of the Cubano ‘Exile’ community. All your favorite names and posturing are there…

Meanwhile, protesters are launching attacks on utility companies, stores, public transportation, warehouses full of commodities and appliances for subsidized housing; psychological chaos.

Some of those ‘peaceful’ protesters were paramilitary groups having been discovered with C-4 and other weapons (photos here) have been detained; and three Air Force Generals were arrested for plotting a coup against the elected government, having been denounced by lower-ranking officials. Maduro gave thanks for the powerful moral force of our National Bolivarian Armed Forces.

But po’, po’, SoS Ketchup-Kerry, who said on March 4 that the Obamarama administration was:

“prepared” to invoke the charter of the Organization of American States (OAS) and impose sanctions.

However, just days before Kerry threatened to invoke the OAS charter, the OAS itself issued a statement ruling out intervention or any sanctions on Venezuela, and expressing solidarity with the Maduro government. 29 OAS member states voted in favour of the decision, while the US, Canada and Panama were the only dissenting votes.’

And Gee-Whilikers; WikiLeaks posted moar cables recently, including these from 2006: ‘WikiLeaks cable – USAID/OTI program objectives in Venezuela’, showing their concern for their brand of democracy for some, since:

Ҧ1. (S) During his 8 years in power, President Chavez has
systematically dismantled the institutions of democracy and
governance. The USAID/OTI program objectives in Venezuela
focus on strengthening democratic institutions and spaces
through non-partisan cooperation with many sectors of
Venezuelan society.
¶2. (S) In August of 2004, Ambassador outlined the country
team’s 5 point strategy to guide embassy activities in
Venezuela for the period 2004 ) 2006 (specifically, from the
referendum to the 2006 presidential elections). The
strategy’s focus is: 1) Strengthening Democratic
Institutions, 2) Penetrating Chavez’ Political Base, 3)
Dividing Chavismo, 4) Protecting Vital US business, and 5)
Isolating Chavez internationally.”

Well yes; those shining and ever-so-helpful NGOs that are celebrated so often!

Surprisingly, the NYT published a piece by Nicolas Maduro yesterday: ‘Venezuela: A Call for Peace’. The comment stream is not surprising, given the class status of Venezuelans who have web connectivity.

Make of thisInterview with Ex-CIA Collaborator: “The CIA’s Plans in Venezuela Are Far Advanced” what you will.

And for further late-breaking yucks :

White House denies ‘Cuban Twitter’ ZunZuneo programme was covert

• Associated Press reveals attempt to foment protests in Cuba
• Spokesman: USAid project was ‘development assistance’

USAID! USAID! (I did look for that  website named ‘USAID is CIA’, but it seems to have disappeared. ..

What we need are moar har hars! Cubano exiles are said to be channeling money to the ‘peaceful protests’ against the Maduro government now.

Good fortune to the Maduro government, Bolivarism, and the people of Venezuela. Don’t let the Devil Get Ya Down! You don’t want a ‘democracy’ like we have.

(cross-posted at

25 responses to “US Vice President Promises to Forgive Venezuela if It Goes Away [updated]

  1. unrelated, but this will annoy you, since you aren’t annoyed enough.

  2. that cuba twitter story is hilarious. what oafs.

  3. gack; is it a blessing that the video won’t work in this country? that story is so ubiquitous, especially in the western u.s.

    “oafs”. perfect. the folks who want to claim that these ngo’s are really helpful to ‘democracy’ slay me. i started a whole pots on who’s which boards of some of the ‘good’ ngo’s; man, is it depressing.

    this administration’s elected goons are loose cannons, the others are yes: oafs and as clever as they think, eh? where are those satellite images of ‘russian troops massing on the border’? next will we hearings with the same sort of cartoon mockups that powell used at the UN? my stars.

  4. they ‘moved’ this pile not far from us, not to a safe place.

    rocky flats was allegedly decontaminated by 2005.

    i couldn’t figure out why there wasn’t a title with your comment. duh; i forgot to give it one. oy, one day y’all are gonna laugh me off the intertubez…

  5. I didn’t watch the video just read the story. North Dakota is going to have it’s share of those destroyed landscapes pretty soon.

    one of the latin american countries kicked usaid out, said it was a CIA front. forget which one.

    it’s amazing that they can instantly cough up ten or fifteen billion for thieves in the Ukraine, but can’t pay for heating bills in the USA. or uic. or food stamps. or help for veterans.

    today in Canada, oilco branch plant, news said that the are holding a ceremony for serviceman killed in afghanistan and our government has told them they have to get their on their own.

  6. there

  7. CSMONITRO.COM REPORTED … USAID expects to close its doors in Ecuador by September 2014 due to an increasingly acrimonious relationship with President Rafael Correa. This comes six months after it was kicked out of Bolivia. In a letter to USAID partners in the country on Thursday, acting Mission Director Christopher Cushing said the decision to leave Ecuador comes “as a result of the Government of Ecuador’s decision to prohibit approval of new USAID assistance programs.”

  8. anthony freda is really good.

  9. that’s gratitude, eh? cripes.

    i do believe i’d read of those oustings, and why. iirc, i read a piece that said that in 2010 VZ ousted the same ngo’s, but maybe they just…call themselves something else now? or funnel everything through miami?

  10. freda is good indeed. he’s been trying to give me a few pep talks via email lately. blogging at fdl seems so futile any more. guess dwbartoo has been, too, after returning to my last post. these aren’t all of the things he’s sent (flickr switched formats, dumped almost all of my photos, but i’ve been rebuilding a bit at a time.) the newest ones for certain aren’t up.

  11. I have to take a break from fdl, they continue to allow goofballs to post lies about climate. I am not going to waste my time on that shit anymore, and I’m not going to their site for a while.

    would they allow someone to post that there was no holocaust? doubt it.

    but they allow that. screw it.

    beyond me why they allow that. The Los Angeles times does not.

    I would rather puke than spend any more time arguing with those freaks liars, basement backyard scientists, and video game playing weirdoes.

    as for you, at least your stuff will be read by enough people to make it worthwhile.

  12. this needs a far longer comment than i can consider tonight, mafr. i did look in on MarsSnidely’s thread, oh dear.

    tomorrow, i hope, will do. sleep well if you can.

  13. Sorry I was on a shop trek and missed this yesterday, wendye. Wonderful piece – love that Rooters news agency in BACKYARD!
    I just found another beauty down the bottom of counterpunch’s weekend list – anyone who made it through my Into Light series might get a laugh from this one; it is another really well done essay:

    I said on Elliot’s Carlin video piece at fdl that humor outtruths truth in times like these. And I for one am very glad to see the Russians laughing at the West’s hamhanded propaganda. It takes one to know one.

    Maybe we can laugh them into oblivion? Aristophanes tried it.

  14. Speaking of Aristophanes:

    “… the team turned to the writings of 43 plays by Aeschylus, Sophocles, Euripides and Aristophanes and several were found to contain references about the weather. Greece enjoys long, hot, dry summers, yet in contrast the rare theatre friendly ‘halcyon days’ of clear, sunny weather during winter appeared to be especially noteworthy.

    ‘The comedies of Aristophanes, often invoke the presence of the halcyon days,’ concluded said Dr. Chronopoulou. ‘Combining the fact that dramatic contests were held in mid-winter without any indication of postponement, and references from the dramas about the clear weather and mild winters, we can assume that those particular days of almost every January were summery in the fifth and maybe in the fourth centuries BC.'” []

  15. ooh, i can’t wait to read the corseri piece; the nsa story superseding the cia one, too. (so many spy and snoop institutions beyond the nsa. i tried to ask kevin gosztola recently if too much focus (including the ‘reform’ bills) weren’t sliding by all of that. no answer. ah well.

    interesting on the greek climate halcyon days. :)

  16. Mark/mafr:
    i just went back and looked at that thread; perhaps you’ve seen that marym in IL thanked you. :)

    as i’ve said before, you know this science a hundred times further than my naive understandings of it. i cannot begin to comprehend most of the comments on the thread for one thing, and don’t recognize some of the screen names, either.

    as far as your taking a break from fdl, their loss is our gain. but oh, dear: the issue of fdl not allowing those claims is a tough one for me, and please know i have some major issues as to how the site is run in many directions. i also get emails from participants there full of opposing views of what the site stands for, puts up with, and related issues, which means: opinions vary.
    they even seem to vary widely about why it’s a virtual ghost town compared to even six months ago.

    i’ve even been treated to conversations/exchanges from former fdl denizens at daily kossack, some have been purdy wild.

    but to the topic at hand: should the site allow climate deniers? ooof. in general, and leaving obvious trolling/disrupting apart, i do tend to believe in the greater Marketplace of Ideas. i’d at least like to believe that metamars and friends actually believe that what they present a facts, whether or not they *are*, or are just measurements that can be interpreted as facts in order to disrupt, i dunno. on this thread, i couldn’t even tell which folks seemed in agreement with him, save maybe ecahn.

    yes, many of you did a good job offering counter-arguments, and probably counter-factuals, as far as i could tell. but: would jane hamsher have to be a) certain about climate change calculations in different reports, and b) willing to close down all discussions on the subject, thereby limiting education on the subject? i know, for instance, that there are websites that don’t allow *any* I?P discussions, as they almost always turn into flame wars, and i have heard it said that in the old days, the subject was verbotten at fdl; i have no idea.

    now over the years i’ve been at my.fdl, the site’s owner and mods and i have been at serious odds over many subjects, including but not limited to: my calling out big labor bosses; dems as elites, too; a satirical piece on van bloody jones after his book salon and resultant angst by the commentariat; the allegedly inviolability of the Rec’d lit (that’s tweaked many times, and favors certain authors, some pros who seem to pay for the privilege), etc.

    the banning policies are also an issue, given the flag system, as in: groups can flag diarists or commenters profusely, which seems to be one way to get banned. that said, i haven’t been ousted, although it’s a bit of a mystery as to why, esp. given the different thing i post about, although with dswright as a headliner, things are a bit edgier there these days.

    anyway, bottom line is that i pretty much think even idiots should be allowed to post there; many do, and some think i’m one of them. but damn, i am so sorry for your pain over reading the dreck, dear mafr.

    added: what a flannel mouth i am; i’d meant to ask you for further reasons why you believe the site shouldn’t allow all that. it would be helpful to me.

  17. well thanks, you agree with Jane Hamsher.

    You and I don’t have to understand the science. You can try if you want

    I won’t bother, scientists, honest people with serious degrees and years of study are doing that for us.

    I for one, accept science.

    Those idiots either don’t, and never will.

    why, who knows, some are definitely paid, some think they’re smarter than James Hansen, some are just plain bad people, or stupid people.

    The problem is, you can’t have your own facts.

    The science and the facts on global warming are not in doubt. There is not the tiniest shred of doubt about the facts. The case gets stronger, stronger and stronger.

    It’s said to be one of the most extensively studied and conclusively proven scientic theories.

    The reason those people have to lie about the facts, is simple. All of the facts are against them. period.

    So, they resort to a wide array of ways of lying, distorting, stretching, misleading, wild goose chases. There’s a name for it Gish Gallop.

    There’s no other way for them to carry on a discussion, except to lie.e

    And sorry but It’s not about “ideas”.

    Climate change is not “an idea”

    It’s a change in our planet that is killing the life of planet. rapidly.

    This is not something we need to have a discussion about, other than how to stop it.

    The time for discussion, was over about twenty years ago.

    The longer we discuss it, and let liars influence people, the less likely you will have wildlife in your yard, something to eat, or any water to drink.

    anyway, thanks for thinking about it.

  18. In other words, posting comments, containing assertions of fact, which are absolutely proven to be factually wrong, is not, to me, a discussion that I want to have anything to do with.

    I don’t see any way, that furthers any discussion of any kind.

    We’ll all be free to express our opinions on this subject in twenty years or so, if we aren’t to busy scavenging for food.

  19. President Dilma Rousseff remembered on Monday, 31 March, those who died or disappeared fighting for the return of democracy in Brazil on the fiftieth anniversary of the miltiary coup of 1964, which lasted until 1985 and had full political support from the United States, at the time under president Lyndon Johnson.

  20. to be clear, i don’t know what jane hamsher thinks about the subject, nor if she’s even aware of the multiple threads like that one. there have been months’-long period when her dashboard was empty. recently she came in for the oscar nights, and wrote a couple diaries, and occasionally pops into a post or two.

    what i’d meant was that some of the rest of could watch the arguments, and learn more from the links you and the others who do believe that the 97% of climate scientists know what they’re talking about.

    the main reasons i believe them are purely inductive: watching the polar cap melt, the permafrost as well, and the ocean levels rising. and the increasing ferocity of the events like hurricanes and cyclones.

    metamars’ cold fusion claims i srsly don’t know about, considering i have no idea how much uranium is needed, now much waste is produced, any of that. but me, i reckon it’s another substance i’d keep in the ground give the dangers of exposure.

    were i the owner of a widely read blogsite, i might be tempted to refuse pots on the advantages of gmo foods and animals, even though only a few nations, not the us, provide any decent studies, to me, the monsanto-love sites (i was on one the other day) are staffed by paid flacks.

    but really, one thing that you could do is to email miz hamsher and present your case; she might just listen. parenthetically, i don’t know what instructions the mods are given, esp. as to what sort of posts make it to the front page. often those i write on issues that the site *says* it cares about…languish, then die.

  21. Common sense sez use the sun directly and prosper or give it a carbon blanket to suffocate us with. “Crikey”, we learned in the ’60s things not to keep proliferating (population, pollutants, etc.) and began making progress with habits, laws, et al. Until halfascistly sabotaged by the BushCompany known “unknown”, beginning with Raygun.

  22. “what i’d meant was that some of the rest of could watch the arguments, and learn more from the links you and the others who do believe that the 97% of climate scientists know what they’re talking about.”

    got it, makes sense.

    Honestly, I feel like I need to have a bath after responding to those slime bags.

    “were i the owner of a widely read blogsite, i might be tempted to refuse pots on the advantages of gmo foods and animals”

    Of course. Would you allow someone to post that we should go out and slaughter all the muslims? No.

    There are limits. lying about climate is one of mine.

    “but really, one thing that you could do is to email mix hamster”

    I did, just a line or two. she was nice enough to respond right away. She’s against restrictions on what people can publish on her site. That’s fine. It’s her site.

    anyway, thanks for thinking about it, very nice of you.


    “Common sense sez use the sun directly and prosper or give it a carbon blanket to suffocate us with. ”

    correct. We are burning the energy from the sun from millions of years ago.

    We have to skip the middlemen, the oily bastards, or die.

  23. oh, me. i’d meant ‘miz hamsher’, not ‘mix hamster’….oh give up wendyedavis. this island’s alt energy was on today’s occupy newsletter, although i have issues with many forms of biomass.

    as far as the lies, i couldn’t even make enough sense of the comments to glean that, although i just scanned, as he is …well…what he is. glad you emailed jane, though, just to check/

    meanwhile, i updated with DN’s ‘is usaid the new cia’ or close. i’ve been reading a lot of philip agee, the past two hours instead of doing my chores, dammit. obsessed, i guess.

  24. michaelcavlan

    Hey Wendy

    As always- stellar piece.


    I’ll tell Mrs Cavlan ya say hello- LOL

  25. hallo, michael cavlan. all blessings on you and miz cavlan, as well. :)

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